Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
