I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
