He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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