I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
now i know why i became what i already was.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
