Cold hands, warm shart.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
