I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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