I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
