Got a toothbrush?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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