We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
