She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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