She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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