after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
