i think i have herpe
just one?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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