I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
