Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
