I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
