Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
