I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
