??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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