yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
