I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize