A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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