Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
