We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
