I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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