it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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