I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I can't put those talents on a resume
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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