I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
