Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
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