she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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