youre lurking in front of me
she was so not down for the gang bang
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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