oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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