At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
