Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
