mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i love accidental penises.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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