vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
