If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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