Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
