The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize