How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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