i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
