he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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