I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
