I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
