you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
