he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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