Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
