why didn't you poke me back
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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