We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just pee around me
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I think I just sharted jello shots
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
