He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
