her vagine was all disorganized.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
