her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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