Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
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I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
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I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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