how can u be prego again
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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