you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
