I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
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