You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
