Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
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Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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