I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
