When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
if only i could text you this smell
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
