i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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