I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
