You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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