I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
