Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
