you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
