Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
