hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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