You made eat vitamins until I threw up
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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