At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
