Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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