where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
