Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
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apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
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I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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