I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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